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Will the curse rear its ugly head?

Cleveland sports are cursed. We all know this. Blame it on Rocky Colavito. Blame it on Michael Jordan. Blame it on Elway and Modell. The cosmos just won't let us succeed. So with the Cavs sporting a magic number of 8 (cavs wins plus boston/magic losses) to clinch the east, a real shot at securing home court in the finals, and a superstar in whom we have no choice but to believe, the real question isn't whether the curse will return. No, I am just curious what is going to happen to ruin this glorious season. Here are ten distinct possibilities from least likely to almost certain. Vegas, take note.

10. The Knicks squeak into the playoffs and Larry Hughes averages a preposterous 40-15-15, leading LeBron's future team to a devastating upset in 6 games.

9. Sasha Pavlovic puts up 19 points in the first half of game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals against Boston, causing the entire team to go into shock. They are all rushed to the hospital and Mike Brown considers forfeiting, but reluctantly lets Pavs go 1 on 5. He proceeds to go 3-36 from 3-point range over the next three quarters as the Celtics decide not to play defense and let him lose to game on his own.

8. Eric Snow re-joins the team and Mike Brown decides to start him over Mo Williams. The Cavs lose in the first round.

7. Zydrunas gets deported under some convoluted Stimulus adendum. The entire team moves to Lithuania in protest. President Obama reveals that he has money riding on the Celtics and resigns from office.

6. David Stern and Billy Hunter start bargaining over the 2011 CBA next week. They decide that a lockout in two years is inevitable, so they preempt the turmoil by cancelling the 2009 playoffs.

5. Quicken Loans takes a nosedive on the exchange and Dan Gilbert fires every player due playoff incentives. J.J. Hickson, Tarence Kinsey, Joe Smith, Darnell Jackson, and Wally World make it past the first round, but get swept by the Hawks, who rest Joe Johnson and Mike Bibby for the series.

4. Quicken Loans Arena is condemned when it is revealed that LeBron's chalk routine has caused dangerous structural damage. The Cavs are forced to play all of their games on the road. The Spurs win in 5 in the Finals.

3. Ben Wallace, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and Anderson Varejao all test positive for steroids.

2. LeBron tests positive for steroids.

1. The entire team contracts herpes from Delonte West and pursuant to little-known league rule, must be quarantined. The Cavs quickly sign Shawn Kemp, Austin Carr, Mark Price, Romeo Travis, Dru Joyce, Vitaly Potapenko, Damon Jones, Kevin Pittsnogle, Andre the Giant's illegitimate son, and the And-1 caucasion wonder-boy "The Professor" to replace the team. They actually win the East on the back of Damon Jones, who shoots 100% from 3-point land, but lose to the Lakers in seven.

Delonte on meeting nice "christian girls"

Anyone who needs tips finding ladies, Redz is to the rescue!

Question: Dr. Redbush: I'm going to Europe in a couple weeks with my cousins and I wanted to see if you had any suggestions on how to attract some fine foreign ladies. I can't dance and I'm broke. Please give me your expert advice on this difficult issue.

Answer: Well, it’s never been the money. The money don’t matter. The money don’t make you. You can have all the money in the world, but if you’re lame, you’ll just be lame with money.

As far as the dancing goes – you’re going to have to work on that, brother. Females watch you dance and, subconsciously, they’re thinking about the way you move a little later on that night. So you’ve got to learn the two-step. Learn the two-step and stick with it. You can change it up for every song. You can speed it up or slow it down, but stick with the same two-step. That’s something that translates in any country.

And if you’re broke, one more thing – besides working on your two-step, which is important – you got to work on your game and your “mouthpiece.” If your mouthpiece is strong, she’ll give you some money.

Breaking News!

Just in case you were wondering, and I know you were, the tattoo on the inside of Delonte West's right wrist reads, "It's the one and only. Anyone else gots to be a phony!" (at the 1:10 mark in the video).



In unrelated and slightly less relevant news, Delonte & Tarence Kinsey are practicing this week and should be playing this week or next.

LeFrustration Sets In

Dear Delonte - The Cavs are hurting. Take your time, but please hurry back. We need you. In the meantime, thank you for taking ridiculous photographs with your groupies, thank you for providing countless hours of YouTube entertainment, but most of all, thank you for being you, Bugs.

Dear Commissioner Stern - You're an asshole. One that is very good at his job, but you're still an asshole. You ruined the Cavs' "nobody believed in us" season by putting Mo Williams on the All-Star Team, you took away LeBron's historic triple-double, and I will assume that it was you, Mr. Commissioner, that gave Delonte West herpes.

Dear Maurice - I hope you're happy that you made the All-Star game. The last two games have really proven your worth to this team. I think we all know who's the real all-star. I'll give you a hint. He has herpes on his lower lip and he tends to take wrong turns in Albequerque.

Dear Sasha - I'm sorry that you got hurt and that I was initially happy about it. As much as I hate to admit it, this team needs you while Delonte & Kinsey are hurt. I am not sorry for still hating your guts. I am not sorry for thinking you are replaceable. And I am not sorry that Delonte, herpes and all, gets more ladies in a week than you will in your whole life.

Dear Mike Brown - Can you really say that you never complain about refs while you are at that exact moment, complaining about the refs. Not be the grammar police or anything, but isn't that impossible? And haven't you been bitching about LeBron not getting calls all year? Pick your battles. Last night wasn't it. Maybe, instead you should battle your urge to put Sasha back in the lineup when he gets healty, and succomb to your urge to name Delonte West player of the game every single game, even when he doesn't play.

Dear LeBron - Forget the loss. I was mucho impressed when you drained those free throws. I was also mucho impressed that Delonte West started practicing again.

Dear Akron Assassin - The two last second alley-oops last night were either both fouls or both not fouls. There was minimal body contact on both plays. In my opinion, neither was a foul. During both plays, the defender was fronting the offensive player and neither defender's arm made contact with the offensive player's body. There was an acceptable level of body contact on both plays. Sort of like chest-bumping Delonte West, which is an acceptable level of contact with Bugs while still avoiding contracting herpes.

Dear Joey Crawford - Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless they are two wrong statements by Delonte West, in which case, each one independently is right, making two of them a double-right, not to be confused with the opposite of a double-negative, which I don't think exists.

Dear Kobe - Tell me how my ass taste. Probably not as good as Delonte's herpes.* Editor's Note: I just threw up in my mouth a little. Then went to the bathroom and threw up a lot. I'm sorry for writing that, but I feel like hating on Kobe today and that was the first joke relating back to Delonte that I could think of.

Dear Michael Phelps - I'm sure you have seen all of those commercials that say smoking marijuana ruins your life and makes accomplishing anything impossible. Way to prove them wrong, dude. The world isn't pissed that you smoked some weed. It's pissed because a weed-head won eight gold medals last summer. You rule, just like Delonte West, who is also proof that marijuana does not necessarily ruin your life, although he is proof that it makes you hallucinate.

Dear G-d - Thank you for Delonte West.

Lebron Haters and people of Los Angeles: Shut your pie hole

That's right, Lebron better than Kobe at the end of the game.

Daily Dose of Bugs + LBJ > Kobe

The Cavs keep winning and Delonte West keeps making us laugh. Delonte on socks (again) and wire hangers:



I am speechless.

As promised, here are Delonte's groupies.








No surprise here. Bugs' groupies are all respectable, attractive, and/or bad ass bulldogs. How can you not like this guy? He's an amateur comedian (intentionally, I think), he parties like a rock star (see glazed eyes above), and he can flat out ball. I can't wait for his return to the Cavs, so Sasha Pavlovic can go back to sitting on the bench, pondering the benefits of socialism.

-----

LeGame - So LeBron came up short by nine points to Kobe's 61-point outburst in Madison Square Garden a few nights ago. And if you think that means Kobe outdid King James, you would be wrong. While Kobe posted only 3 assists and ZERO rebounds to go along with his ridiculous 61 points on 60+% from the field, LeBron scored 52 on 52%, adding 11 assists and 10 boards. For those of you scoring Kobe v. LeBron @ MSG at home, that's LBJ +8 assists, +10 boards, and +1 triple-double. Game. Set. Match.

LeSerbian - Pavlovic missed his second game in a row with the "flu" which is just a euphamism for a disease called "I couldn't guard Gloria James." Wally World has filled in admirably in the absence of Pavs and Kinsey. Unfortunately, Kinsey's recent injury means I cannot continue to lobby for him to play all of Sasha's minutes. I'm currently researching the Cavs new 10-day signee, swing guard Trey Johnson. I am quite certain that my research will show that Johnson > Pavlovic.

Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
DNP - Out with I couldn't guard Gloria James.
Highlight: His welcomed absence.
Postgame quote: "Doesn't anyone care that I, too, will be an unrestricted free agent in 2010."

LeAll-Star Game Replacement

Jameer Nelson is likely out for the All-Star Game and possibly for the entire season. So besides the effects on Orlando's championship aspirations, this also has major implications for the All-Star game. Namely, David Stern gets to pick his replacement. Last year, Commish Stern picked Ray Allen to replace the oft-but not as oft as Gilbert Arenas-injured Caron Butler. This year? Stern has his choice between equally-shocking snubbed guards Jesus Shuttlesworth (aka Ray Allen) and the King's Advisor (aka Mo Williams). I know this is the Ohio LeBlog and that here at the LeBlog, we are shameless in our promotion of the Cleveland Cavaliers (except Sasha Pavlovic, who despite his improved offense, proves once again that being tall doesn't automatically make one a good defender). But here's an open letter to Commish Stern, asking... no begging, that he choose Jesus Shuttlesworth for this honor. (I recognize that he could also choose Rajon Rondo, but let's try and keep things simple, OK? OK.)


Dear Commissioner Stern,

Congratulations on your 25th Anniversary as NBA Commissioner. Also, congratulations on covering up the rampant steroid use in the NBA. Amare Stoudamire, Darius Miles, and countless other players who miraculously recovered from injuries that would have killed any non-steroid-using human being are great assets to this league and I commend you for your work. I love the 82-game season and the three month long playoffs that provide us with professional basketball 9.5 months a year. Without steroids, these guys could probably only play 7.5 months a year. So thank you for greasing the palms of Congress to turn the other way so that I can have two more months of the NBA.

On to the issue at hand. You have an important decision to make in the coming weeks. Jameer Nelson was injured recently and likely will not play in the All-Star Game. I am writing to humbly ask that you choose Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics and not Maurice Williams of the Cleveland Cavaliers for the following reasons:

• Ray Allen is an incredible actor. He Got Game is my favorite Spike Lee "joint" of all time. I hope that Lee makes a sequal when Ray Ray retires about Jesus Shuttlesworth dealing with his own NBA retirement. Ray's acting abilities will be a great addition to the East All-Star squad. Mo Williams has never acted in his life and his selection would deny fans in Phoenix the opportunity to see a legitimate actor drain threes all night.

• Allen's All-Star window is closing, while Mo's is just opening. In a few year, Allen will be a TNT or ESPN analyst. Mo will be vying for this game every year. Show the young guy that he needs to work harder and reward the veteran having a career season.

• Allen is an NBA Champion. Mo Williams saved a bunch of money on his car insurance with GEICO when he called while staying at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

• Allen has never played with LeBron James before. Mo Williams gets to play with him all the time. Give the man a chance.

Mr. Stern, please heed my words. I assure you that I have no ill intentions. I would never wish fatigue on another Celtic going into the second half of the season. I would never assume that a secondary snub would light even more fire under Mo's behind. I would never think that a few extra days of rest could really benefit a guy like Mo who has a few nagging injuries. I would never hope that a week of parties and nightclubs would wear down a 30-something Allen who has 4 or 5 more months of basketball. I am rational and compassionate, so I would never point out that a meaningless, glorified pick-up game is just another chance for injury, and that I would rather Allen take that chance than Mo. And I would never tell Mike Brown to play Garnett, Pierce, and Allen heavy minutes while Mo Williams sits on his couch, sipping on some scotch and icing his knees and back.

No, Commissioner Stern, I'm just looking out for the league.

Very Truly Yours,
LeMarc (I swear that's my real name and not an homage to LeBron James, of whom I am clearly not a fan or I would have recommended Mo Williams, right? Right.)

Lebron Holmes

Karma

You cannot do this



And expect no punishment from the Basketball Gods

What a difference a Z makes

Wow, one game back and the Cavs look much better. Yes, its the Clippers. But comparing the last two games is instructive:

• Against the Magic, the Cavs really lacked a big body to eat space vs. Dwight Howard. Against the Clippers, Z controlled the paint.
• Against the Magic, we had trouble getting open mid-range jumpers. Against the Clippers, mid-range jumpers were open all night.
• Against the Magic, there was little space for Lebron. Against the Clippers, Lebron made space for everyone.
  

Look, Z is slow, lethargic, and white. But the guy has real skills and is a giant. We need him against the Lakers, Celtics, and Magics of the world. Without him, the offense has reverted way too much to the Lebron-Andy pick-and-roll extravaganza, with a little extra help from Mo creating his own shot.

Other things to note: courtesy of Cavs the Blog, Sasha hit 53% of his 3 pointers in January. I think LeMarc will agree: its not that Sasha can't shoot the rock, its that he falls in love with the shot way too much (I would too if I dribbled as poorly as he does).

Sunday- Cavs/Pistons. The Cavs really need to win a road game against a "top" team. We can debate whether Detroit is a top team or not, but the Celts just went to the Palace and brought home a W. We need to do the same.

Youtube of the day:

All Lebron, all the time

The Akron Assassin is back from traveling/illness to lay down your daily dose of Lebrondom. Today, it is a double dose.

Chris Broussard (yes, former ABJ Cavs beat writer Chris Broussard) does a feature on LeKing Supreme in ESPiN the magazine (you need ESPiN Insider or the mag to read the whole feature; I get the mag so you can hit me up for the whole article). Money quote, for those of you two lazy to read it all:

"While he clearly enjoys the hoopla surrounding his upcoming free agency, LeBron says he's never given Cleveland fans a reason to think he'll leave.

"Ever since I've been asked about the Cavs, I never gave any indication that I was leaving or that I wasn't happy here,'' he said. "I think the franchise has definitely done a great job of giving me a team and putting me in position to win ballgames, so I'm happy here and I look forward to getting better this year and in the years to come.''

In the years to come? Sounds like good news for Cavs fans. Stay tuned."

Not a bad opinion considering it comes from the worldwide leader in creating non-sensical stories.

The Chosen One is also featured in SI. This isn't the article - you will need to buy the mag to read the whole thing - but you should read about Lebron's athleticism. Must be something about that water in Akron...

A Dose of Bugs West

During their four-game west coast trip, the Cavs learned to get by without Delonte "Bugs" West, managing to go 3-1 against three contenders and one ferocious pretender (fueled by the return of one of the NBA's best young point guards). Though the Cavs have scraped by without their best perimeter defender, the absence of the funniest man in the NBA in my own life has not been so easy.

As I have previously mentioned, the classic video "Delonte West Uncut" has been removed from YouTube for an apparent terms of service violation. "Delonte West Uncut," filmed a few years ago while West was playing for the Celtics, provided no less than three revelations regarding the Cavs' gritty and insanely funny combo guard:

1. In twenty years, Delonte plans to be 60 years old (huh?), riding down the Mass Turnpike in a drop-top Mercedes-Benz, butt naked.

2. Delonte's favorite NBA city is Miami because of its "great Christian programs." He really appreciates the fact that he can stay out on the beach all night in Miami and worship the lord.

3. If he could be anyone in the entire world for a day, Delonte would be Bugs Bunny (hence the nickname). Although he cites numerous reasons, he notes that this hypothetical would provide an ideal solution to avoiding heavy traffic on the Mass Turnpike by allowing him to tunnel through a rabbit hole, popping up on some less congested highway, and proclaiming that "This ain't Albuquerque!"

Anyways, not being able to watch this video on a weekly (ok a daily) basis, has left a huge void in my life. I've settled for watching various Delonte West videos on YouTube, all which reveal the delicate soul that is Bugs West, but none of which compare to "Delonte West Uncut." I am embarking on a quest to find this video, but in the meantime, if you're going through the same withdrawal, I will try to fill that void with the Weekly Bugs West Quote of the Century. This week, Bugs tells us how he feels about the NBA's decision to resume use of a leather ball after a two month experiment with composite leather in 2006:

"You know I never really paid that much attention to it, you know what I'm sayin'. I'm just a player. I'm a player, Greg, and I just play with whatever they put... we gonna play with a sock? We gonna play with a sock."

Doesn't that feel much better? Next week, an introduction to the cavsfanatics group that calls itself the "Delonte Groupies."




LeGame - Brian Windhorst on the difficulty of the Cavs' win in Salt Lake City: "Salt Lake City sits quietly in the middle of the Wasatch Mountains. It is sleepy, it's beautiful and it's peaceful. Which is why its geography and the rhythms of the NBA schedule make it a giant trap. Year after year, Eastern Conference teams and even those Mississippi River West teams that make routine three-game trips to the far West, finish off trips in Utah as they head home. Now, the NBA will never schedule regular season games on Sunday in Utah because of the role of the church here and how the Mormons devote Sundays to family. TNT has exclusive rights on Thursdays and the NBA always tries to end long trips on Saturdays or Sundays. So, often teams come in here on back-to-backs, in the altitude usually off a game on the coast where they lose an hour on the trip. It has happened for four teams just this month in Utah. Oh, and the Jazz had the last two days off. What is my point? For a lot of reasons the Cavs scored a great win tonight."

Carlos Loozer - Carlos Boozer is a great talent... Here's hoping he withers away into NBA obscurity, or at least gets a beat down from Prince's entourage.

LeSpoke to Soon? - Kinsey reverted back to his "lacktion" form, recording one steal and two missed field goals in five minutes of playing time. I am now mortified that Sasha will continue to receive playing time, but the guys at Basketbawful were thrilled.

The Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
35 minutes of productivity = gallons of vomit
Highlight: LeMarc fainting in his own vomit when he realized that Pavlovic had the highest +/- of any Cav on Saturday night
Postgame Quote: "Thanks for the motivation, Ohio LeBlog. 'The Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line' is no longer funny or relevant."

Terance Kinsey > Sasha Pavlovic, Part I

In light of Tarence (pronounced Torence) Kinsey's breakthrough performance last night and Sasha Pavlovic's botched inbound pass that nearly cost the Cavs a win vs. the Warriors, an objective comparison between the two bench-warmers is clearly warranted. I considered performing a simple statistical survey, but as any NBA fan can tell you, success on the court depends on a lot more than the ability to jump high and bounce a leather ball. A big part of the Cavs success this year is a product of team chimistry, which depends on personality, common interests, and character.

To properly judge whether Kinsey or Pavlovic would make a more effective contribution to team chemistry, I began by conducting some etymological research on the origin and meaning of Kinsey's and Pavlovic's names. As you'll see, there is a lot more to a name than letters. I've also delved into the educational backgrounds of Pavlovic and Kinsey to determine what each player brings in terms of basketball intelligence and decision-making capability. Lastly, upon interviewing several sources close to the team, I'm going to take a quick look at the musical and movie tastes of these potential contributors, to determine each player's potential compatibility with his teammates. As a disclaimer, I would like to clarify that several citations have been omitted and/or never existed.


Etymology:

Aleksander "Sasha" Pavlovic - Aleksander rougly translates from the Greek base "alexo" meaning "defender of men." Ironically, the surname Pavlovic is descendent from World War II Russian Sergeant Yakov Pavlov, who "defended" a run-down apartment building in Stalingrad by gunning down an onslaught of Germans from long range, similar to Sasha Pavlovic's on-court defensive strategy of shooting a lot of long-range jumpers.

Tarence Kinsey - Tarence, a variation in spelling and phoenetic pronounciation of Terence, was used in Ireland as an Anglicized form of Toirdhealbhach, meaning instigator, which is obviously the greatest name I have ever heard. The surname Kinsey can be traced back to sexologist and entomologist Alfred Kinsey, who is credited an one of the earliest American sado-masochists, and to Noel Kinsey, a Welsh soccer player who scored Birmingham's winning goal in the 1956 FA Final Cup.

Instigator of S&M and Soccer Success > Defender of Dead Russian General... Kinsey +1


EDUCATION

Sasha - Pavlovic attended one year of high school in Baltimore, MD. It is not clear whether he graduated. Rather than pursue educational opportunities at the collegiate level, he opted to play professional basketball in Serbia for the YUBA League. Pavlovic has also made known that he has never read a book and prefers not to read newspapers because information makes his head hurt.

Tarence - After graduating from high school in Tampa, FL, Kinsey went on to pursue a bachelor's degree at the University of South Carolina. In addition to a full aceademic courseload, several extra-curricular activites, ongoing volunteer work, and holding down an on-campus job, Kinsey also pursued an amateur basketball. A scheduling error, caused by an inattentive and now unemployed academic services counselor, has delayed the conferral of Kinsey's degree, which should be forthcoming in the near future. Tarence studied 17th century French literature in college and is widely considered the world's foremost scholar on Jean Desmarets, the first chancellor of Cardinal Richilieu's Academie Francoise.

(Near) College Degree + French Literature > Ignorant and Illiterate Serbian... Kinsey +2


Entertainment Choice

Pavlovic - Favorite musical artists include Yani, Michael Bolton, Air Supply, and Latoya Jackson. Favorite movies include Howard the Duck (1986), Dungeons & Dragons (2000), and Gigli (2003). Favorite basketball movie is Eddie, in which Whoopie Goldberg portrayed a fan-turned coach of the New York Knicks. Once overheard in the locker room telling LeBron James that he couldn't beleive that Whoopie has never won an Oscar. Also known to sing children's nursery rhymes in the shower after the game.

Kinsey - Prefers not to limit his musical tastes to any one genre. Said to enjoy classic rock staples, 1970s R&B, and several modern hip-hop artists. Cites James Brown, Bob Dylan, and Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys as major influences in his life and career. Favorite movies include Casablanca, Godfather Part II, Citizen Kane, and Raging Bull. Favorite basketball movie is Hoosiers, but also has a place in his heart for Teen Wolf. Once overheard ripping on LeBron for agreeing to sing Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time in that NBA commercial.

Diverse and informed entertainment choices > Whoopie, Talking Duck, & Michael Bolton. Kinsey +3

Round 1 goes to Kinsey in a landslide. Part II, Community Contributions, to come next week.





Le Game - Brian Windhorst on the Cavs 106-105 victory against the Warriors on the heel of LeBron's last second jumper: "This is not the way the Cavs prefer to win: rely on LeBron James' contested outside jumpers at the buzzer. This is the second time in a week it came down to that and this time, unlike in Chicago, they escaped because LeBron is an immensely talented player. That said, the Cavs would prefer not to play with two starters out so they had to make the best of it. Now 3-2 since the Delonte West injury and 2-1 on this road trip, that's pretty strong. Before the trip anyone probably would've been happy with 2-2 and now they have a chance to go 3-1."

Le Shot - Although I can't confirm it, I believe this is the first time in LeBron's 6 year career than he has made a last second jumper to seal a victory. After the game, a friend expressed concern that this one-time phenomenon may give LeBron a false confidence in his jump shot in late game situations. Let's just hope this isn't the case. LeBron is at his best when he takes the ball to the rim, especially in late game situations. But in two games during the past week, LeBron has settled for last-second fall-away jumpers. This trend cannot continue.

Le Kinsey - Kinsey, who I presume is an avid reader of the Ohio LeBlog, was apparently fed up with my noting of his ineffectiveness so far this season. So when Mike Brown called his number, he responded with tough defense and an efficient performance on the offensive end, tallying 11 points in 15 minutes, shooting 3-5 from the field and 5-7 from the free throw line. He also pulled in 3 rebounds and made Sasha Pavovic look like, well, Sasha Pavlovic.

The Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
Gave up 19 points while guarding Anthony Murrow (who?)
Highlight - Every one of Kinsey's 15 minutes
Postgame Quote - "I recognize that guy Biedrens. Wasn't he in Rocky IV?"

A day late and $4.28 short

LeGame - LeBron beat his dad (aka Greg Oden) and the Blazers in Portland, just an hour north of Silverton, OR, home of the very first cross-dressing mayor, which has nothing to do with the game, but rather, gives me the opportunity to show you this picture of the now retired Alonzo Mourning and Dennis Rodman "sharing a moment." I wish I had more to say about the game, but in all honesty, I fell asleep at the start of the fourth quarter (curse the west coast road trips). Suffice to say that LeBron and Mo Williams both shot the lights out of the ball. So much for forcing King James into jumpers.

LeTarence Kinsey - From Basketbawful: "Tarence Kinsey is to lacktion what King Crab is to scoring - truly elite. And when called upon to do absolutely nothing in the name of bawful, Kinsey delivered this evening at the Rose Garden. He knocked in a 26 second Mario, a fine nonperformance alongside the equally brave effort of fellow Crabolier Darnell Jackson who earned a mention in the lacktion report with two fouls and a brick for +3 in 9:48. This is Kinsey's fourth unproductive game in six days, a very effective way to make a case that he unquestionably should be chosen for the Basketbawful All-Lacktion team. His combined stats in those four appearances? One foul in five minutes and four seconds spread out over 192 minutes of game time. I'm not sure we've ever witnessed a sustained run of pure nothingness like this before, but it is glorious." And I stubbornly submit that TK is more productive than Sasha Pavlovic.

LeMinutes Watch - Since Bugs West was injured, LeBron's minutes have seen a sharp increase. After averaging around 36 mpg for most of the season, he has played more than forty in each of the games Delonte has sat out. I think this is more a product of Mike Brown going with smaller lineups, rather than play Hickson/Jackson/Wright extended minutes. I guess we'll see if Bron's minutes dip back down when Z returns (hopefully next week). Not a huge concern, just a bleep on the radar.

The Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
31 minutes, 0-1 3p, 0-0 Ft
Highlight: 1st Quarter 0:26 - Tarence Kinsey enters game for Sasha Pavlovic for 26 seconds of "lacktion"
Postgame Quote: "Did you see Wally on NBA TV? What a douche."

You might be an MU Ohio grad...

Thanks to Basketbawful for this shot of Wally World. But only an Ohioan could truly appreciate its significance. See, Wally is sporting the latest in the Miami University of Ohio Douchebag Threads Line. Affliction T-Shirt. Check. Oversized puffy coat. Check. Faux (or possibly real) animal fur hood liner. Check. Perma-spiked hair thanks to overindulgence of styling gel and/or murray's hair creme. Check. Seriously, Wally could play 40 minutes, sweat off 5 lbs. and his hair would still be spiked. Check. Ira Newble, the only black man to ever attend MU Ohio, may have softened the stereotypes, but Wally and Ben Roethlisberger are keeping it alive. Which makes me wonder if Roethlisberger even knows that his team made the Super Bowl. There is no way that his brain is functioning after that hit against the Browns. I don't mean to compliment a Steeler, but Roethlisberger is the second greatest zombie football player of all time (Steve Young has to be #1 and Tim Couch is a distant #428). I digress, though. Wally -- you're the man. You guard guys 6 inches taller than you. You hustle every minute you're on the floor. Your flat-footed jumper is a thing of beauty and grace. Your expiring contract, whether used by the trade deadline or in the offseason, will be directly responsible for keeping LeBron in Cleveland. But you are a douchebag. Lay your Oxford, Ohio sense of style to rest. Lose the affliction t-shirt and puffy coat and wear something respectable next time you represent the Cavs on national television. Douche.

The Great Sasha Debate

I am sorry about the delay between posts and the lack of a review from the Lakers game. I'd like to blame it on a busy inauguration weekend in DC, but in all honesty, I was just really down about the loss, even if we were down two starters and up one Sasha Pavlovic. So, before tonight's game in Portland, I would like to introduce you to a new feature here at LeBlog. Those who know both the Akron Assassin and myself might tell you that we are a bit opinionated. I would say that "opinionated" is just a euphemism for being right all of the time (and I suspect that the Assassin agrees). Anyways, we have decided to let our readers in on a few heated debates between two people who think that they are right all of the time. So, in the wake of Bugs West's recent injury, we toiled over the horror of Mike Brown placing Sasha Pavlovic in the starting lineup. This conversation mostly took place before Pavs shocked the world against the Hornets last Friday and the Lakers game on Monday. Without further ado:

The Great Sasha Debate

LeMarc - Brown can't possibly start Sasha in place of Delonte. I understand the need to keep the rotation in tact, but Sasha will be devastating to the starting lineup. For one, LeBron understandably refuses to pass him the ball. Without Delonte, Lebron will handle the ball a lot more (like he did against the Bulls), which means that when Sasha is out there and LeBron has the ball, we'll be playing 4 on 5. In all seriousness, I prefer that Kinsey gets the starting job.

Akron Assassin - Look, I prefer TK too, but Brown is going to go with Sasha. Why? He has experience starting. He is a known commodity. It preserves his rotation. And Sasha can be a good defender if he puts his mind to it. I think its a no-brainer. Sasha is the guaranteed starter.

LeMarc - Kinsey started 12 games for Memphis in 06-07. Starting Tarence preserves the rotation just as well, if not better than if Sasha started because Sasha would still come off the bench (where he belongs). Sasha is not and has never been a good defender. He just happens to be taller than most two-guards at 6'9". He gets away with slow feet, poor lateral movement, and late rotation because his height forces his man into either driving into our interior defense or adjusting their shot for his height. It's the same effect as me guarding my 10 year-old cousin.

Assassin - So what are you saying? You can't guard your ten year old cousin? Or that you can guard your ten year old cousin even though he is better at basketball than you because Lebron (aka god) blessed you with greater height? My point is this: Who cares why Sasha can guard two guards. If it is because he is taller, than so be it. In any event, starting TK (despite his grand experience with the Grizzles) would not be wise for our team at the present time. We are much better off rolling with Sasha, letting him test the wind, and then bringing in Boobie, TK, Wally, Ben Wallace, and whoever else can play that spot. Don't force a bench player into playing - and guarding- the top players.


Cavs (31-7) 92 - Hornets (23-13) 78

• Pavlovic scores 19 on 7-10 from the floor, 4-4 on threes, adding 6 boards, 1 assist and two steals

• He gives up 15 points to Peja Stojakovich (4-8 on threes) who he guards most of the game

Assassin - Round 1 to The Assasin. Let's hope for the Cavs sake that all the rounds go to me- that will me Sasha plays well.

LeMarc - I hesitate to give you round one outright, just because Sasha had a good shooting night. He guarded Peja for most of the game, and while Peja didn't shoot great inside the arc, he did make 4-8 from 3-point land. Why? Peja didn't play pick and roll much at all, which means that he got some wide open looks. On the other hand, Sasha did score 19 to Peja's 15, so maybe Pavs was right all along... his offense is his defense.

Assasin - Come on. Three balls against the Cavs come from ball rotation. You cant say Peja beat Sasha on each one. And no way Sasha was guarding Peja on all those. The true test will be Monday. Can Sasha slow Kobe enough to keep the Cavs in it?

LeMarc - Ok, I'll give you round one, and I will root for an Akron Assassin victory in the great Sasha debate on Monday. Bring on the Lakers.

LeGame - Sasha Vujacic can tell you everything you need to know. Namely that he is the dirty European that Sasha only wishes he could be.

LeTriangle - For the first time I can remember this year, an opposing coach figured out how to beat our "flash and retreat" defense. LA's ball-handler of the moment would set up well behind the three point line and when our big guy would flash out to the perimeter, he would pass in to the guy in the strong side high post. Most teams don't set up like the Lakers do, so the pass out of the double team is usually around the perimeter, not into the post. That usual perimeter pass allows our big to "retreat" back to the post and deny the inlet pass. The Lakers passed into the post immediately, leaving the Lakers with two guys in the post being guarded by one of our bigs, while our other big was still trying to retreat. Our flash big never retreated in time. I'm not sure how well I explained that, but if you're familiar with the Cavs defense and watched the game on Monday, hopefully you'll see what I mean. In layman's terms, though, the Lakers won because they had a ton of wide open looks at the rim in the second half. I am a big believer in Mike Brown and his defensive prowess, but I also think that a coach has to be willing to abandon his game plan if it's getting beat over and over.

LeTripleTrillion - If you're not familiar with the "Trillion" as a basketball term, take a few minutes and read the first post ever written on Mark Titus's blog, Club Trillion. Mark Titus is a walk-on at Ohio State who only plays garbage time. His goal, in that one minute of garbage time, is to record no statistics so that his stat line reads 1 followed by a bunch of zeros. This has caught on over the past year. The guys at Basketbawful compile stats on trillions and near-trillions on a daily basis as a part of their Worst of the Night feature. Anyways, the Cavs had a triple-trillion against the Lakers, with Darnell Jackson, Tarence Kinsey, and Jawad Williams each recording one minute of playing time and no other stats. See for yourself.

LePavlovic - So the stat line won't be as funny now that Sasha will be getting regular minutes in Bugs West's absence. So I'm going to stick with the highlight and postgame quote, but instead of a full stat line, I'm just going to post one jaw-droppingly awful stat from the game. If you have any better ideas, please share. I'm open to adaptation.

The Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
34 Minutes & ZERO Rebounds
Highlight: 1Q 10:12 Sasha misses 25 ft. 3-point jumper*
Postgame Quote: "Trevor Ariza is a sissy-pants. In Yugoslavia, clotheslines to face is part of game."

*Kobe had just stoved his finger on the ball and was basically standing off-court waiting for the Cavs to score so he could call a time out to get someone to look at his pinky. So the Cavs are playing five on four and Sasha misses a WIDE OPEN three-pointer. Pathetic.

LeCommercial

Well, LeBron was supposed to make a "big announcement" on the day of the Super Bowl, but thanks to viral marketing, we don't have to wait. If the stills weren't enough for you, Henry Abbot over at TrueHoop came through with an actual video of the commerical. I have to give my heartfelt thanks to Illinois-based State Farm Insurance for putting LeBron in a Browns uniform. Watching that commercial was the first time in months that I've seen the orange & brown and not considered gouging my eyes out with a salad fork. But, I don't quite understand why the Browns are playing the Dolphins in every clip. I could have used a dose of watching LeBron beat the Steelers.

Magic would be proud

LeGame - The Cavs won a scrappy game against the Hornets, their last at home before a four game west coast trip, to stay perfect at the arena formerly known as The Gund. With Big Z still nursing his bionic foot, Big Ben still groggy from the flu, and (Big?) Varejao having an off night, LeBron pulled a Magic and played center for most of the fourth quarter. Ok, Posey was still guarding him, so he wasn't being guarded by a center, but he was the tallest guy on the court for the Cavs. So how did he fare as a makeshift center? Try 14 points and four boards (2 offensive). Sick.

LeHighlight - Halfway through the fourth quarter, Boobie Gibson missed a fall-back jumper from a few feet out. Posey didn't bother to box out James, who swopped in for a put-back with a monstrous dunk.

LeDefense - Always the Cavs strong point, last night was no different. Mike Brown is a defensive genius, but until this game, never found an answer for Chris Paul. Tonight, the Cavs switched on every pick, keeping CP3 out of the lane all game. It caused some interesting matchups, like Boobie Gibson in the post with a forearm in David West's back, but it worked. Paul couldn't get to the bucket or get his big men involved. As a team, the Hornets shot 37% from the field and 27% from Lake Erie. The low point-- Sasha Pavlovic, while making 4-4 threes, "guarded" Peja Stojakovich, who made 4-8 threes. On the other hand, Sasha scored 19 to Peja's 15, so maybe Sasha was right all along. His offense is his defense.

The Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
Stats: CENSORED
Highlight: 2Q 7:58 LeBron James enters game for Sasha Pavlovic
Postgame Quote: "Tonight Peja and me, we make Serbia proud, but I make Serbia prouder."

Wham with the right hand

• New photos from LeBron's "Big Announcement" aka StateFarm Insurance Commercial (courtesy of TrueHoop).

• Windhorst says Bugs West is out for at least three weeks.

• Delonte on his injury (courtesy of LeBrian) - "I've been punched in the face many times before, I shook that off," West said. "We're on a roll here, we can't have no pity party for me. I'm going to try not to feel sorry for myself, it hurts but I can still wear my pinky ring."

• YouTube removed the "Delonte West Uncut" Interview. If anyone can find these videos, please, please, please send them my way. My favorite quote: Delonte on his favorite NBA city - "Miami... they've got great Christian programs down there. You can stay out on the beach all night and worship the lord."

• Just in case you missed it... "I've been punched in the face many times before."