Breaking News!

Just in case you were wondering, and I know you were, the tattoo on the inside of Delonte West's right wrist reads, "It's the one and only. Anyone else gots to be a phony!" (at the 1:10 mark in the video).



In unrelated and slightly less relevant news, Delonte & Tarence Kinsey are practicing this week and should be playing this week or next.

LeFrustration Sets In

Dear Delonte - The Cavs are hurting. Take your time, but please hurry back. We need you. In the meantime, thank you for taking ridiculous photographs with your groupies, thank you for providing countless hours of YouTube entertainment, but most of all, thank you for being you, Bugs.

Dear Commissioner Stern - You're an asshole. One that is very good at his job, but you're still an asshole. You ruined the Cavs' "nobody believed in us" season by putting Mo Williams on the All-Star Team, you took away LeBron's historic triple-double, and I will assume that it was you, Mr. Commissioner, that gave Delonte West herpes.

Dear Maurice - I hope you're happy that you made the All-Star game. The last two games have really proven your worth to this team. I think we all know who's the real all-star. I'll give you a hint. He has herpes on his lower lip and he tends to take wrong turns in Albequerque.

Dear Sasha - I'm sorry that you got hurt and that I was initially happy about it. As much as I hate to admit it, this team needs you while Delonte & Kinsey are hurt. I am not sorry for still hating your guts. I am not sorry for thinking you are replaceable. And I am not sorry that Delonte, herpes and all, gets more ladies in a week than you will in your whole life.

Dear Mike Brown - Can you really say that you never complain about refs while you are at that exact moment, complaining about the refs. Not be the grammar police or anything, but isn't that impossible? And haven't you been bitching about LeBron not getting calls all year? Pick your battles. Last night wasn't it. Maybe, instead you should battle your urge to put Sasha back in the lineup when he gets healty, and succomb to your urge to name Delonte West player of the game every single game, even when he doesn't play.

Dear LeBron - Forget the loss. I was mucho impressed when you drained those free throws. I was also mucho impressed that Delonte West started practicing again.

Dear Akron Assassin - The two last second alley-oops last night were either both fouls or both not fouls. There was minimal body contact on both plays. In my opinion, neither was a foul. During both plays, the defender was fronting the offensive player and neither defender's arm made contact with the offensive player's body. There was an acceptable level of body contact on both plays. Sort of like chest-bumping Delonte West, which is an acceptable level of contact with Bugs while still avoiding contracting herpes.

Dear Joey Crawford - Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless they are two wrong statements by Delonte West, in which case, each one independently is right, making two of them a double-right, not to be confused with the opposite of a double-negative, which I don't think exists.

Dear Kobe - Tell me how my ass taste. Probably not as good as Delonte's herpes.* Editor's Note: I just threw up in my mouth a little. Then went to the bathroom and threw up a lot. I'm sorry for writing that, but I feel like hating on Kobe today and that was the first joke relating back to Delonte that I could think of.

Dear Michael Phelps - I'm sure you have seen all of those commercials that say smoking marijuana ruins your life and makes accomplishing anything impossible. Way to prove them wrong, dude. The world isn't pissed that you smoked some weed. It's pissed because a weed-head won eight gold medals last summer. You rule, just like Delonte West, who is also proof that marijuana does not necessarily ruin your life, although he is proof that it makes you hallucinate.

Dear G-d - Thank you for Delonte West.

Lebron Haters and people of Los Angeles: Shut your pie hole

That's right, Lebron better than Kobe at the end of the game.

Daily Dose of Bugs + LBJ > Kobe

The Cavs keep winning and Delonte West keeps making us laugh. Delonte on socks (again) and wire hangers:



I am speechless.

As promised, here are Delonte's groupies.








No surprise here. Bugs' groupies are all respectable, attractive, and/or bad ass bulldogs. How can you not like this guy? He's an amateur comedian (intentionally, I think), he parties like a rock star (see glazed eyes above), and he can flat out ball. I can't wait for his return to the Cavs, so Sasha Pavlovic can go back to sitting on the bench, pondering the benefits of socialism.

-----

LeGame - So LeBron came up short by nine points to Kobe's 61-point outburst in Madison Square Garden a few nights ago. And if you think that means Kobe outdid King James, you would be wrong. While Kobe posted only 3 assists and ZERO rebounds to go along with his ridiculous 61 points on 60+% from the field, LeBron scored 52 on 52%, adding 11 assists and 10 boards. For those of you scoring Kobe v. LeBron @ MSG at home, that's LBJ +8 assists, +10 boards, and +1 triple-double. Game. Set. Match.

LeSerbian - Pavlovic missed his second game in a row with the "flu" which is just a euphamism for a disease called "I couldn't guard Gloria James." Wally World has filled in admirably in the absence of Pavs and Kinsey. Unfortunately, Kinsey's recent injury means I cannot continue to lobby for him to play all of Sasha's minutes. I'm currently researching the Cavs new 10-day signee, swing guard Trey Johnson. I am quite certain that my research will show that Johnson > Pavlovic.

Sasha Pavlovic Stat Line
DNP - Out with I couldn't guard Gloria James.
Highlight: His welcomed absence.
Postgame quote: "Doesn't anyone care that I, too, will be an unrestricted free agent in 2010."

LeAll-Star Game Replacement

Jameer Nelson is likely out for the All-Star Game and possibly for the entire season. So besides the effects on Orlando's championship aspirations, this also has major implications for the All-Star game. Namely, David Stern gets to pick his replacement. Last year, Commish Stern picked Ray Allen to replace the oft-but not as oft as Gilbert Arenas-injured Caron Butler. This year? Stern has his choice between equally-shocking snubbed guards Jesus Shuttlesworth (aka Ray Allen) and the King's Advisor (aka Mo Williams). I know this is the Ohio LeBlog and that here at the LeBlog, we are shameless in our promotion of the Cleveland Cavaliers (except Sasha Pavlovic, who despite his improved offense, proves once again that being tall doesn't automatically make one a good defender). But here's an open letter to Commish Stern, asking... no begging, that he choose Jesus Shuttlesworth for this honor. (I recognize that he could also choose Rajon Rondo, but let's try and keep things simple, OK? OK.)


Dear Commissioner Stern,

Congratulations on your 25th Anniversary as NBA Commissioner. Also, congratulations on covering up the rampant steroid use in the NBA. Amare Stoudamire, Darius Miles, and countless other players who miraculously recovered from injuries that would have killed any non-steroid-using human being are great assets to this league and I commend you for your work. I love the 82-game season and the three month long playoffs that provide us with professional basketball 9.5 months a year. Without steroids, these guys could probably only play 7.5 months a year. So thank you for greasing the palms of Congress to turn the other way so that I can have two more months of the NBA.

On to the issue at hand. You have an important decision to make in the coming weeks. Jameer Nelson was injured recently and likely will not play in the All-Star Game. I am writing to humbly ask that you choose Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics and not Maurice Williams of the Cleveland Cavaliers for the following reasons:

• Ray Allen is an incredible actor. He Got Game is my favorite Spike Lee "joint" of all time. I hope that Lee makes a sequal when Ray Ray retires about Jesus Shuttlesworth dealing with his own NBA retirement. Ray's acting abilities will be a great addition to the East All-Star squad. Mo Williams has never acted in his life and his selection would deny fans in Phoenix the opportunity to see a legitimate actor drain threes all night.

• Allen's All-Star window is closing, while Mo's is just opening. In a few year, Allen will be a TNT or ESPN analyst. Mo will be vying for this game every year. Show the young guy that he needs to work harder and reward the veteran having a career season.

• Allen is an NBA Champion. Mo Williams saved a bunch of money on his car insurance with GEICO when he called while staying at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

• Allen has never played with LeBron James before. Mo Williams gets to play with him all the time. Give the man a chance.

Mr. Stern, please heed my words. I assure you that I have no ill intentions. I would never wish fatigue on another Celtic going into the second half of the season. I would never assume that a secondary snub would light even more fire under Mo's behind. I would never think that a few extra days of rest could really benefit a guy like Mo who has a few nagging injuries. I would never hope that a week of parties and nightclubs would wear down a 30-something Allen who has 4 or 5 more months of basketball. I am rational and compassionate, so I would never point out that a meaningless, glorified pick-up game is just another chance for injury, and that I would rather Allen take that chance than Mo. And I would never tell Mike Brown to play Garnett, Pierce, and Allen heavy minutes while Mo Williams sits on his couch, sipping on some scotch and icing his knees and back.

No, Commissioner Stern, I'm just looking out for the league.

Very Truly Yours,
LeMarc (I swear that's my real name and not an homage to LeBron James, of whom I am clearly not a fan or I would have recommended Mo Williams, right? Right.)

Lebron Holmes

Karma

You cannot do this



And expect no punishment from the Basketball Gods